Not what I want, but what you want


By Lisa Kramme, Director of Faith Formation



“Father, for you all things are possible; remove this cup from me; yet, not what I want, but what you want.”  Mark 14:36

I know what I want most days.  I want people around the world to be safe.  I want there to be enough personal protective equipment, ventilators and ICU beds for the sick and those providing care.  I want an end to this virus, a vaccine, a holy healing of the planet.

I pray a day of healing comes soon, but until then, the phrase “yet, not what I want, but what you want,” continues to echo.  How do I tune in to what God wants?

Christians have a word for tuning in to God, and that word is “discernment.”  My first consistent use of the word “discernment” came about when I started serving on the Nebraska Synod’s Candidacy Committee.  During meetings with people who felt a call to serve as a pastor or deacon, we would ask them to share stories of how they discerned that call. 

For some time, I thought discernment was something that only people who felt called to professional ministry did, but then I started learning more about spiritual practices and listening for God through them.  Discernment started being a word for my life as well, and during that time a friend shared this definition of discernment:

“The practice of discernment for me is characterized by the routine awareness that God is present in all tasks, relationships, and times.  When we practice that awareness in ordinary and regular ways, the big decisions or crises simply offer a different scale for the same process.  Listening, noticing the movement of God’s word within us, reflecting with faith-filled friends, letting obstacles be recognized and released, observing the fruitfulness or barrenness of our actions and decisions, confirming and celebrating the truth that shines in retrospect, opening to the present and future moments with trust in God’s grace:  these are for me central aspects of discernment.”  -Diane Luton Blum

More than ever, my prayer recently has been, “What’s mine to do?”  Some days the answer comes clearly, “Call your mom.” Other days—most days actually—God’s response is less clear.  One fear I have for the other side of the pandemic is that life activities will once again ramp up and time and space for listening for God will be lost in the commotion.

Could we help one another remember to listen for God during and following this pandemic?  That might look like asking, “What do you sense God wants of you in this situation?” or “You have shown so much compassion during this pandemic, similar to compassion I’ve seen in pastors and deacons.  Have you heard God calling you to serve like that?”

“…not what I want, but what you want,” prayed Jesus.  My prayer is that each of us may be led through the present days and into the days that come, praying like Jesus, and listening for what comes next.

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